The food forest is a community of people who serve a forest of plants without one mission, goal or yield in mind. Every Saturday they open the gorgeous forest to volunteers willing to serve it. They show up to serve 150 acres of wild fruits, vegetables, trees and, living medicines. They weed where they can, water a bit, honor seedlings with as much love as possible, but ultimately, the forest feeds itself. The natural environment of diverse plants feed the needs of the forest. Because they are able to just be – they thrive. The plants and trees found in this forest are 10 times the average size, they are so much stronger and more resilient than the plants I farm with. Because they have each other – together they meet each other’s needs. The lack of humanness shines. The power of nature radiates. This Saturday I put my shame and guilt about my neglected blog aside, and leaned into the message I had received. Take care of the land, and the land will take care of you. The wonderful, kind and open man that runs the forest, Rob, shares with me the sacred secrets of the forest.
From the moment I arrived in the forest it was apparent how much happier the plants were in the forest. The fruits were enormous, the trees so expansive, and the air even more live-giving than the farm. When I ask about the difference in plant size between the forest and the garden, he tells me of the harmful nature of agriculture. How when you are working for yields or any human curated benefit, you hurt the soil and you are compromised. And just like anything, the land will work overtime to compensate for your ignorance. I’ve been hard on myself in regard to keeping up with agriculture knowledge – there is so much methodology, technique and chemicals to enhance the land. So many systemic approaches to bring the land to an ideal symphony of composition. To build something ideal, from the human perspective of science and analysis. Turns out, it’s similar to a lot of our complicated systems we’ve built – it’s all bullshit. Trying to compensate for the damage we’ve inflicted.
I quickly began drawing together similarities of systems I’ve imposed on myself. Like the pace of this blog and the pressure I’ve put on myself to constantly put out thoughtful content. I have missed the past two weeks posting, and I’ve felt so guilty about it. Thinking how I’ve let myself down – I keep telling myself I came here to write god dammit! To put my heart out on a constant basis. How can I put out heart centric, real, honest words when I feel like such a lacking shithead? Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle. The past two weekends I have grappled with the fact that most importantly, I’ve come to be and live in Hawaii. A very close second, is to write about all the feelings and experiences here. The two get blurred often. I get confused and ask myself why did I come here? The truth is I came to Hawaii to do, whatever the fuck I am doing. There is no right or wrong, only when I am holding myself to the stupid, human composed limitations of worthiness.
Similar to the food forest I do my best when I am left to just be. When I can let go of human centric expectations and rubrics of success.
When I start manipulating and controlling outcomes, that is where things get ugly. Am I doing enough? And by seizing my time here? Am I utilizing my gifts/time in this privileged paradise? When I start trying to control outcomes is when things get ugly – it gets really messy, wasteful and str8 up stupid to try to track and create something synthetically that is so beautiful to begin with. Trying to mimic (synthetically create) a natural rhythm that exists so effortlessly – it can never compare. How much more complicated and difficult we humans love to make things.
Sometime on Sunday 